What have I learned in the month of December?

What have I learned in the month of December?

- I have the most amazing family and doctors
- My Father in Heaven knows me personally
- I could not get through a single day without my husband by my side
- It breaks my heart to see Ben sad
- I’m excited to be a mom some day
- Life isn’t easy but it is worth it

All of this came from a few large events that happened in the first 2 weeks in December. On Ben’s birthday December 1st we went to dinner and I refused to eat. My food smelled horrible and there was no way I was eating it. At that point and due to other factors Ben and I decided to go pick-up a pregnancy test. On the way to the store I told Ben that it was going to be negative. He told me that he knew that.

After getting home and getting up the nerve to take the test a solid line appeared which meant it was negative. I was picking at my face when I looked down and saw a second line fading in. I went in the bedroom and threw it at Ben. When he realized what it meant I began to hyperventilate. I wasn’t exactly ready for what the test told me.

Later that week I began to bleed nothing the doctors were worried about but to calm me down they did blood tests. My hormone levels were not as high as they would have liked but they weren’t worried. We told the “Grandmothers” and they were ecstatic!

The next week blood tests were done again and blood levels had doubled. We were told we had nothing to worry about we were doing great!!!!

That day and the next day I was deathly ill. I mean throwing up crackers, water, even the thought of food made me throw up. In the middle of this I had to take an accounting final which I must say I received 146 out of 150!!!!

On Wednesday, December 9, 2009 I was at work when I went to the bathroom and saw too much blood for me not to worry. I called the doctor hysterically and went for an ultrasound. My mom took me and the ultrasound did not show a heart beat but at 7 weeks you do not always see one. I went for more blood tests and that night I called the doctor and he let me know that my hormone levels had not gone up and it was a miscarriage.

Ben got home, we called the doctor I got the information and I was done calling into work around 10pm. I had a 7:30a final the next day. It was a crazy few weeks. That doesn’t include the next day I had to take pills to “pass the tissue” which wasn’t exactly the best feeling I have ever felt.

Some of you have heard this story and some of you haven’t. I wasn’t keeping it a secret but I didn’t announce it either.

I could not have made it through these last weeks without my family and my doctor. I would not have survived without all the prayers for Ben and I. I know my Heavenly Father was watching over us. I could not have made it through this without Ben there holding me through it. He has been the tough one even when it wasn’t easy.

I still have my moments but over all I think I am doing okay.

I just have to say again... Ben, and all of my fanily and friends I love each of you! I couldn't make it without you!